In a month from tomorrow I close my service as a Peace Corps Thailand Group 127 Volunteer. In a month from tomorrow, my world changes for better or worse. But it changes nonetheless. I’m filling up a big ole bucket full of emotions right now that I keep pretending doesn’t exist. These mentioned emotions that I am “saving” for my upcoming reflection period keep popping up in unexpected places. Places such as, mediocre films bringing me to tears, my heart racing when I go to use the bucket shower in my host family’s home, expressing my excessive need to cry to my favorite dog at the school’s canteen.
My emotions are all out of whack. I’d like to blame my mother for this one, because when I was younger I would make fun of her so hard for crying at movies. Saying, “Mom, it’s just a movie!”. Okay, first of all- what a brat, listen here spawn child Elora. Get. It. Together. Second, I am now my mother. I literally cried today watching Accepted. Oh, you don’t know that movie? Please view the movie title below and don’t judge me.
Yeah, that 2006 straight to TV cinematographic gem made me cry. Whattttt is happening???
It is so wild to think that a mere 26 months ago I landed in Thailand with high hopes, no knowledge of the language, and no idea what I was in for. Today, as I type this to you I still have those high hopes. High hopes for the future- my own and for the people I have worked with here in Thailand. I can also speak Thai- which although is totally irrelevant in the rest of the world, allowed me great access to change and possibility.
‘No idea what I was in for’…what an understatement. Not only have I successfully completed the two year service that I’d been pining after since my preteen days, but I did so in such a transformative way. I never knew what I had to gain through this experience. I never knew that I was growing into myself all along. The formation of bonds, between my students, community, and my fellow Volunteers. They have all provided something so significant, that I didn’t really know I was missing- purpose.
I have my tribe now. I am living to the rhymes of good vibes now. In a month from tomorrow, that concrete routine of upward progression and new experiences in Thailand comes to an abrupt halt. What then? I mean, in a month from tomorrow, what will come next? I have plans, boy do I have plans. Yet, everything seems so unstable.
Get it? The end is ‘Nye’?!?! Whatever peasant, Bill Nye soothes me. Anyways, during these past two years, sometimes I had an extraordinarily difficult time living in the moment. I would count down the months, and days until an event or even the end itself. But as time went on, especially as I actually approached the end- my feelings changed. I’m so flipfloppy and misconbobulated. I know that my time here in the Peace Corps capacity is over. I am happy to be moving forward to the next chapter in my life. But like, I AM SO SAD.
I AM SO FREAKIN’ SAD, GUYS.
In a month from tomorrow, I say goodbye (for now). I’m gonna go cry now.